That Familiar Feeling… Again.

Tonight I sit in front of a stack of papers that should be a refined collection for Spring/Summer 2017. The papers have sketches, scribbled notes and photos of items that bring on inspiration. I’ve been working on this for daysss. I now have several binders full of material: so many ideas that are robust, unusual, show stopping and utterly fuzzy, completely unformed and totally unrefined. A cohesive collection does not exist. My self induced deadline arrives tonight and I find myself in a familiar situation. Feeling disappointed that I didn’t do all that I set out to do, failure for the incomplete work, frustration of the pressure I put upon myself.


I have to say, I’ve been working on something else during my break. Since my hiatus I have been doing a bit of rewiring. I have given myself the chance to reflect, record and rewrite how my brain works. I’ve been looking at what makes me happy, how can I do more of that? What stresses me out, lets do that less. And more difficultly, what’s happening inside of me that I may not be noticing; subconsciously, how is my relationship with my work, those deadlines, my goals, people in my life, myself?


Maybe Im alone in this, but too often (heavily this past year) I have been hard on myself, resulting in my new membership to workaholics anonymous. As an artist, I have way too many ideas, way too little time and all the judgement to bathe in once my deadline approaches-- aaand flies by like a freight train taking all my energy and creativity but like lost luggage its forgotten me right there on the platform.


So lately I’ve been listening to TED talks, creative lectures, meditation studies, interviews, etc. and made notes that are starting to create common themes on Happiness, Work, Productivity, Guilt, Needs, Originality, Leadership, Art, Fear... as I read and listen, as I collect this information and use it through out my day, I feel the new knowledge like friends giving me kind advice whenever I get those familiar “work harder”, “you didnt do enough” thoughts.


I promise I’ll spare you... the word “journey” and “path” will not be over used here. I’m just hoping to spread a little love, just in case any of you feel that same train rushing by and something is stopping you from getting on.